5 Things You Must Have In Your Relationship

    There are a few things that should be mandatory within every relationship, regardless of the individuals involved. Below is a list of five things that will result in making your relationship even more fun and special, and some suggestions on how to implement them. Chances are, you’re probably already familiar with these five things within your everyday life, but if you consider them within the context of your romantic relationship they will absolutely increase passion, desire, intimacy, happiness, and connection! First up, flirting...

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1. Flirting - One of the number one things that leads to distrust, and can ultimately tear a relationship apart is flirting, but it doesn’t have to. Flirting is about courtship, it’s primal. It’s pre-wired to some extent in each and every one of us, males and females. It’s nature's way of eliciting our desire to pursue a mate, and when we are single this isn’t an issue. However, flirting with someone other than the person you are already in a relationship with can become a problem, to say the least. The challenge is that nature doesn’t operate according to values and morals created by humans, and your instincts don’t know when you are “taken”. This means that temptation is potentially lurking around every corner when it comes to you and your partner being seduced by someone else, or possibly being the one attempting to provoke others, regardless of your relationship status.
​   So what’s the answer to this conundrum? Well the answer, although difficult for most couples to execute, should be obvious - flirt with each other! When couples consciously make an effort to flirt with each other, this satisfies that instinct and alleviates the desire for courtship (the difficult part lies in being creative enough to do this with someone you have already won over, and being genuine, but it can be done with conscious effort). Aside from satisfying nature's desire, flirting with your partner also has other perks as well, including a boost in self esteem. When we flirt with our partner we are implicitly sending the message that they are desirable. This can lead to them feeling better about themselves, and giving their self esteem or worthiness in your eyes, a boost. It can also cause your partner to feel more attractive, and when we feel more attractive, we are more likely to be affectionate and interact intimately. Lastly, when someone flirts with us we feel wanted, and special - two things every couple should feel from one another, just as much as, if not more than they do by others outside of the relationship.

2. Inside jokes - What is an inside joke? An inside joke is simply capturing a specific moment or memory with a particular person or group of people, in the form of comedy or some other way of experiencing and remembering it. Inside jokes are all about creating unique chemistry and intimacy between you and your partner that involve your sense of humor. They are another great opportunity for couples to create a type of special connection with each other. They are special in that they create a secret-like bond that only the two of you share. The real beauty of inside jokes is when they spontaneously reveal themselves to you and your partner unexpectedly. This usually results in a good laugh between the two of you on the “inside” that makes you feel close and connected.

3. Nicknames - Nicknames provide an opportunity for you and your partner to take on and exercise alter egos and different personas, while possibly expressing other facets of your personality. This is great for fun casual role play, but can also allow you to express yourself in a way you wouldn't typically, and show a side of you that you may keep very private, or is forbidden in public. Nicknames are about an identity that is specific and unique to each person for particular, personal reasons. They can carry with them a specific set of characteristics, traits, and behaviors. They can be harmless and innocent, they can be sexual, they can be funny, or they can be empowering. Nicknames can start as an inside joke, but are usually based in reality to some extent between two people. They also usually present themselves, so don’t go stressing out about coming up with them. Just be present and pay attention!

4. Sense of humor - Just as we have to love our partner the way they need to be loved, we also have to be able to understand and vibe with what they think is funny or amusing. It helps if you have the same sense of humor as your partner, but if not, you definitely at least need to be able to understand or “get” theirs. Appreciation, understanding, and communicating are critical when it comes to you and your partner's sense of humor. If you share the same sense of humor then congrats! You are in a position to be even closer to your partner. It’s when we don’t necessarily have the same sense of humor as our partner that we need to try and understand what their sense of humor is, appreciate that, and be sure that there is an open line of communication that everyone feels safe and comfortable with for anytime someone needs clarification or has the need to express a different point of view.

5. Surprises - Ok not just any surprise...because let's face it, none of us like surprises, we like the surprises that we like! Positive, meaningful, specific, unique surprises are what we’re talking about here. This obviously comes with the prerequisite of knowing your partner and what they might like. Surprises from you for your partner are intentional, which means they are consciously thought out, which means you were thinking of them, which is always a good thing! So surprises not only offer some variety, uncertainty and spontaneity, which absolutely helps the passion in relationships to thrive, but they can also serve as a creative way to say “I was thinking of you”.

   These five ingredients are and will be a part of our everyday lives in some way, whether we realize and accept it, or not. The good news is each of them absolutely has a healthy place within our relationship, as I have suggested. Making an effort to incorporate or strengthen these aspects of your relationship can facilitate a feeling of closeness and connection between you and your partner that will continue to grow and only get stronger with time. Now, go flirt with your partner by surprising them with a sexy nickname!